notes from the insomniac

A couple of days ago I mentioned weird shooting pains I was having on the right side of my head. They were gone the next day and have yet to come up again.

Here's the best thing I could possible interpret from them in light of the fact that I've been Migraine-free since Sunday: THE PAINS WERE MY MIGRAINE EPISODES SAYING GOODBYE! Several especially painful Migraine episodes from the past were doing their own version of waving goodbye, having set up residence my head for years. They finally decided to leave me alone, and as the most painful ones left my world forever, they zapped their way out for a memorable exit.

Welcome to my dream world, folks.

In truth, I felt pretty amazing Monday, health-wise (especially in the evening), a feeling I've not experienced in a while now. Tuesday was even better, and today's pretty good but not as good as the first two days of the week.

Let's talk about what's not so hot: NOT BEING ABLE TO SLEEP. That's right, kids: that little insomnia problem I've not mentioned much on here reared its ugly head again. (Awhile back, a friend led me to a little song I love about insomnia--I pretend the song's about Migraines. I mention it in a post that's over two years old. Unfortunately the link to the free download isn't working right.) In the last couple of years, I've had some sleep issues, and they've really plagued me during their short stays. When I got off Amitriptyline a few months back, the glorious side effect it causes--sleepiness--was gone. I had trouble staying asleep through the night, and forget about 3 AM bathroom breaks. Those left me tossing and turning for what seemed like forever, nervous I would miss out on too much sleep and be tired or headachey the next day.

This insomnia is markedly different. I can't fall asleep at first but am not worried or frustrated about the problem. In fact, I haven't been sleepy at bedtime in a few days now! Very different from how I was feeling up until last week when I was exhausted almost all. the. time. Usually I feel exhausted when I wake in the middle of the night, it's just that I can't fall asleep. For the past few nights, I've felt energized and wide awake during sleepless times. Last night I couldn't fall asleep 'til 1 (after having climbed into bed at midnight). Woke up at 2:30 to pee and was up until 3:45 or so. Fell asleep for thirty minutes or so and was back up again at 4:15 and stayed awake 'til 6. My alarm went off at 7:20 and I snoozed a bit (yes, in the morning I was able to snooze) and then got up and was pretty chipper and energetic.

This afternoon I took a nap, which was probably a mistake for someone who wants to sleep normally at night. But I cannot read a book without getting sleepy-eyed (even if it takes an hour during insomnia bouts), and around 4 PM I fell asleep despite my not feeling tired.

I'm a real piece of work, I tell you. Let me know if you can identify with this issue--and definitely let me know if you think I'm right about the Migraines waving goodbye and leaving me forever. Ha.

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old habits die hard

At least that's what my brain seems to think. Of course I was being deliberately naive (and a tad facetious) last week when I asserted my belief that my Migraines had bit the dust for good! Let's face it: Sunday I felt fine, Monday - Wednesday I felt phenomenal! Too bad the monster returned on Thursday, Friday AND Saturday. Perhaps that had something to do with Athfest weekend, which leads to my getting overexcited and therefore headachey due to that anticipation and stress. (Good stress, usually, but still.) Saturday I drove to Atlanta to meet up with one of my very best friends who was in town from Ireland. As much fun as we had going to see R.E.M., The National, and Modest Mouse, the long drive to meet her in addition to the rush to get into the amphitheatre and the sheer excitement of seeing her and seeing the bands led to #3 for the week.

No triptans for me until Thursday! I'll make it. I have to.

That's all for now--just thought I'd give a little update to say that I am not cured as I had wished to be.

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another potential trigger?

Does anyone else here get bothered by ceiling fan lights? Overhead lights are annoying to me when I'm feeling good--when I have a headache, they are intolerable. But now that it's summer my ceiling fans are going at full-speed and the flickering shadows they cast on the ceiling and walls while the overhead light is on mimics the flickering of a dying fluorescent tube light. Does anyone else feel bothered by this flickering light?

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Important breakthroughs? Let's keep our fingers crossed..

I'm sure lots of my blogger friends are already all over this, but I figured it could only help and encourage others if I spread the good news. At least I hope it continues to be good news!

There are two new devices that are proven to help headache sufferers before the headache completely surfaces. Look at just one of the many articles about these developments here on U.S. News & World Report's site.

In other news, I've been terribly out of the loop when it comes to reading aforementioned blogger friends' pages. Sorry, guys. BUT this can be seen as a good sign: I've felt great since Sunday and have been very productive working on the bookstore and doing other positive things. Hooray!

I'll catch up on your news later, and I am thinking about you!

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good article on childhood headache & Migraine

I enjoyed reading this and found that many tips offered up can be applied to adults' lives as well!

http://denanhealthcare.blogspot.com/2008/06/frequent-headaches-and-migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine-in.html

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How to Cope with Pain's June Pain-Blog Carnival is up!

There are some repeat entries from the Migraine & Headache Blog Carnival from this month, but there are also new things to read! Check out the summer vacation-themed edition of How to Cope with Pain's blog carnival!

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"Migraine Personality" myth once again rears its ugly head

My mom just gave me a special news insert from Florida Today's newspaper from mid-June. The small publication is called USA Weekend: HealthSmart, and I have every reason to believe it accompanied not only the Florida Today newspaper but also USA Today and any other papers the overseeing company owns.

Dr. Seymour Diamond (of the NHF and the famous Diamond Clinic) debunks a handful of myths about Migraine disease. Like the other short articles in the publication, a half-page or so is dedicated to each health condition and set up as a series of true-false questions. For example, in an article about sleep, the myth is something like, "Teenagers need the same amount of sleep as adults." Truth: No, they need more.

Okay, fair enough.

But the Migraine article's supposedly debunked myths are of a different ilk, especially the last one that have left me flying into a near-rage. I did a search online for reactions to this article and, as far as I've found, it's not being covered by Migraine advocates and/or bloggers--and it should be.

Myth: There is no such thing as a "migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine personality."
Diamond's expert opinion? That there IS a migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine personality!

What year is this? What is happening? I'm reminded of a March 2007 post from Kerrie at the Daily Headache about the ridiculous idea that there is a specific Migraine personality. (In a rush so will have to link to it later--sorry. Fingers are flying to write this even though I'm supposed to be out the door!)

Check out the article here, and let me know what you think. I hate to know that thousands upon thousands of national newspaper readers have stumbled across such a gross error and, without being armed with well-founded knowledge about headache disorders, will agree with Dr. Diamond.

Grrrrrrrr.

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July Migraine & Headache Blog Carnival Posted

Diana Lee has done it again! Visit this page to see the July edition of the Migraine & Headache Disease blog carnival. This month's focus? "Migraines & Spirituality."

Have fun reading!

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I really pushed some buttons when I complained about Dr. Diamond's belief that there is a "migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine personality." Admittedly, I was glad that I got a handful of comments from critical thinkers, most of whom didn't think my anger was merited.

Here's the deal. I don't argue that the majority of patients going to Dr. Diamond's clinic fit within the bounds of what he claims to be a "migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine personality." Here's what I take issue with: Migraine affects millions of people of all ages, all backgrounds, all socioeconomic categories, all heights, and all races. Publishing a comment claiming there's a "migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine personality" in such a gigantic publication as USA Today is irresponsible.

Let's review Diamond's description of the migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine personality: "usually young, petite, compulsive, neat individuals who keep long lists."

As all of us out here in the blogosphere know, there's been an exponential increase in migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine awareness articles, blogs, and advertisements in the last few years. I believe that, with a good chunk of exception, many people who scour the internet for medical information tend to be young (a subjective description to start with) and rather assertive in terms of self-care. Anyone remember how the old notion of "migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine personality" described a compulsive white woman who was middle- or upper-middle-class? That belief was dismissed long ago after the grand realization that, generally speaking, that description matches the type of person who would choose to go to the doctor. I can name at least ten people right off the bat who choose not to go to the doctor for their Migraines because of lack of money--of course it's people who choose to spend their money on medical visits that are the ones who go to the doctor!

I have such a great argument in my head but am having a lot of trouble verbalizing it all. Suffice it to say the following:

1. I greatly respect Dr. Diamond and the work he has done.
2. I find it was irresponsible of him to publicize a personal belief (without statistical evidence provided) in such a huge forum.
3. I'm disappointed that we Migraineurs had the opportunity to make the general public more aware about this condition and ended up instead with a cursory article that did very little to explore the implications and effects of Migraine disease.

To see other takes on the issue, please read the comments on my original post. Everyone brought up good points, but I'm stickin' to my guns on this one.

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procrastination station

Being away for two weeks certainly broke up the momentum I'd had going on my blog. I hope none of you have given up on me, as I aim to write more frequently now that I'm home again. Two weeks doesn't seem long at all, but it certainly changes things when you're out of town with very limited computer access. It was pretty nice to ignore email for days at a time, that much I can tell you. I realized how much time I spent online and was, to be honest, a bit disgusted by it.

So I'm trying to spend my time online in a more productive way. As much as I'm passively interested in what my friends' status updates on facebook are, I realize this is not a good use of time! I think back to my elementary school report cards. There was a category called "uses time wisely," and I always got an E for excellent there. Little did the teachers know that my habits at home were soon to be horrendous. I'm sure my mother could tell many an unpleasant tale of my telling her the week before the science fair that I needed a backboard and a project. This procrastination problem was an issue for me during high school, college, and even into graduate school. (It still is an issue now, but the deadlines are looser and therefore I pretend it's not a problem.) How is this related to the internet? Oh yeah. I'll go online with the express purpose of checking my work email and end up spending thirty minutes listening to my friends' music on myspace or playing Scrabble online with friends. Does Janet use time wisely? I'd give her an N for "needs improvement."

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dishwashing dreams

Let's talk for a moment about how much my miniature (18"-wide) dishwasher has changed my life and, potentially, helped my migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine frequency.

I've been wanting a dishwasher for months--nay, years! I hate, detest, dislike, and loathe doing the dishes by hand. My kitchen is very small and there was no room for an in-cabinet dishwasher--or so I thought until I found the GE Space Saver dishwasher.

The contraption was installed a month ago and has CHANGED MY LIFE. First of all, I don't have to come home with a sense of dread, knowing that yesterday's cereal bowl (complete with rotting milk) is at the bottom of the sink under last night's pizza pan. If I don't feel well, I can still have a snack without feeling stressed out about having to wash up the dishes afterward.

Let's face it: having to deal with chores drives me crazy and makes me feel inordinately stressed out. I've been known to have minor (or major, depending on how you look at it) freak outs centered around the messiness of my house on a monthly basis. (The word "monthly" is a key word here, folks.)

Not bending over the sink to scrub means fewer bothersome neck and back pains--pains which can trigger migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine headaches!b

The dishwasher had an unintended effect as well. Obviously I don't have to worry about doing the dishes or having stinky bowls pile up in the sink. I thought the glory would end there, that not stressing would be the main focus. Little did I suspect that having clean dishes most of the time would encourage me to eat more regularly. I no longer think, "Ooh, I'm kind of peckish...but I'll just have a few cashews so I don't have to wash a plate in order to make a snack." Now I can just bust that plate out, make some delicious snack, and therefore take that extra step that prevents a hunger-induced Migraine episode.

Yay for me!

If you have a few hundred dollars to spare (or landlords that just so happen to be extremely generous parents of yours), get a dishwasher. It shall change your life!

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How to Cope with Pain blog carnival posted

The July blog carnival at How to Cope with Pain is now up. I'm off to peruse it now. (As usual, I slacked and didn't provide an entry. Next time, Gadget. Next time.)

daily migraines |chronic migraine |chronic migraine headaches |migraine diagnosis |migraines treatment |

travelin' again

I'm leaving for Central America today. I'll spend the first week at a medical document editing workshop (wowsers), supposedly from 8 AM - 6 PM Monday through Friday. Please let it not be that intensive, as sitting in [what I presume will be] a fluorescently-lit room and talking about editing all day sounds rather...overwhelming? (And I'm the sort of dork who likes to talk about punctuation and spelling!)

Last time I was in Central America, I had one migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine in six weeks. Did you hear that, kids? One big'un in six weeks--and that was the day I found out my grandmother had died. I won't have the same liesurely schedule as that 2004 trip, and I'm only staying for 2 weeks and not six. But maybe...maybe...Costa Rica & Panama are the answer!

Wish me luck. I'll keep you posted if I have the means and inclination.

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James's tips: be a critical consumer when it comes to Migraine news!

I think you should read these tips from Headache & Migraine News on how to effectively evaluate migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine-related news articles you come across. A succinct, smart, and straightforward guide for anyone, not just migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraineurs. Thanks, James!

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what's so bad about feeling good?

Well, there's really not so much bad about feeling good. Now the mission is to find what's good about feeling bad, I guess.

The rain came in yesterday and continued without ceasing for hours upon hours....In fact, it's 1:15 AM early Sunday morning, meaning that, as far as I know, it has rained every moment of the weekend.

The mood I was in while writing that last post seems so far away from me! I'm not feeling awful, but I did have a rough day chock full o' migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine pain that would not dissipate despite two Imitrex tablets and a Naproxen sodium pill. Alas. The last few days were so wonderful, though--I think I have more of those to come. I'm going to try to make a point of being more creative, productive, and active on the days I feel well.

This evening I did get some q.t. in with friends and a certain little week-old baby I know. That does a body good. (Pass it on.)

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doctor's diagnosis: sinusitis

I was nervous to go to the doctor today. I called around to a few clinics and urgent care centers yesterday afternoon to see what places could take me soonest and at what price. Despite reading a couple lackluster reviews for the health center closest to me, I booked an appointment anyway. Were I needing to see someone about Migraine, perhaps I would have been a bit more cautious. But since I was going in to get some antibiotics for a seemingly routine sinus infection, I figured it wouldn't hurt to see a family doctor and hope for the best. The initial appointment is only $50 (over $110 cheaper than my second option, and 4 miles closer to my house!); after that, you pay on a sliding scale based on income information you provide to the clerk. The maximum payment for a doctor's visit is $50, however. Awesome.

It's been over two years since I had a good, old-fashioned, regular (read: non-neurologist, non-ER) doctor's appointment and I was pretty nervous. I prepare myself for a meeting with someone who might not be a good listener, who might not be warm and caring. Despite his being warm and kind, my former neurologist was not the best listener--his NPs were atrocious, but that's a whole other story.

This feels silly, to be basking in the glow of a great doctor's appointment. Who does this? Someone who has been treated as if she were just another routine appointment to check off the list during a very long, very typical day? I'm not sure. Someone who's used to people trying to play her (contractors for home improvements, car repair folks, insurance companies)? Maybe. In any case, I was really happy with almost every aspect of my time spent at the place.

First off, I must give props (ew--I've never said that before and hope never to again; I'll keep it in to remind myself of that solemn oath) to the receptionist I spoke with yesterday afternoon when making the appointment. She heard how stuffed up I was and was really warm and very helpful: "Oh, honey, you don't sound good! Let me see if I can squeeze you in tomorrow morning. And I'll call you if something opens up this afternoon!"

Despite my better intentions, I drove to the center instead of walking. Hey, it was raining and I felt sick and the .9 mile drive probably didn't kill the environment all that much. By the time I left, the rain was POURING down and I was grateful to have a car. I walked in to a room half-full of families of various races. Seemed most people had colds or the flu--it is a rainy December, after all. The guy at the desk was really friendly, even when I walked up to the window after an hour to ask when I would be seen. Yeah, that was the frustrating part--my ten o'clock appointment ended up being at 11:05. Alas. Luckily I didn't have anything better to do than sit and read.

Oh, oh! The WAITING ROOM! I'd brought my red-tinted shady glasses to protect my little eyeballs and brain from the inevitable fluorescent lights, and guess what? The waiting room was softly lit with low-wattage incandescent bulbs. Oh, what a relief, especially when the wait was a bit long! Even my highly revered neurologist, a headache specialist, has glaring fluorescents in the waiting room. (I really don't mean to rag on him and his staff so much--apparently I have some pent-up bitterness!)

I got weighed and was a bit disappointed--turns out the post-Zonegran weight I successfully gained has, for the most part, dropped off again. Still technically underweight by a couple pounds, but I don't look creepy-skinny or anything. Not at all. I waited in the exam room for a while between nurse and doctor visits, but I passed the time by reading an outdated People--I hadn't realized just how bad the writing and stories and fluff had gotten! Not my style. The doctor walked in and I immediately felt a sense of relief--she was young, smiling, and genuinely apologetic about the supposedly atypical wait. She seemed knowledgeable about Migraine disease, patiently listened to my whole story of the cold-turned-sinus-trouble, and made some OTC drug recommendations as she prescribed an antibiotic. I mentioned something else troublesome to her and she was really comforting and helpful on that front, too--more on that later. For now I'm freaking myself out a bit over a symptom that could very well be nothing, so I'll just wait it out 'til I forget about it again.

All in all, I was really pleased--can you tell? What a sense of relief! How great to have a ten- or fifteen-minute appointment with a doctor who listens, who's friendly, and who didn't act like I was crazy when I mentioned weird symptoms I was concerned about. Three cheers for new doctor! I have a checkup next week. If I'm still this infatuated, maybe she will become my regular family doctor! Yippee.

Very sleepy and very sinusy and very drugged up.

No significant migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine pain for eight days, kids. EIGHT DAYS! True I have this sinusitis frustration, but it sure does beat a migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine episode!

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Dinah won't you blow, Dinah won't you blow...

WARNING: THIS POST MIGHT HAVE TOO MUCH INFORMATION FOR THE NON-MUCUS-FRIENDLY OR FEINT OF HEART.

I have had this bout of sinusitis for at least (at least!) a week now. Despite a Z-pack, lots of rest, and some doctor-recommended over-the-counter meds, the cough and mucus are not going away as quickly as I'd expect. Ugh.

On Tuesday night, the night before my doctor's appointment, I was doing the routine nose-blow-before-bed move when, all of a sudden, liquid started coming out of my right nostril. A lot of it. For a few minutes, I continuously blew my nose and clear, very warm water (water?) came out of my right nostril. At first I couldn't help but be relieved: it seemed that as soon as this strange liquid was brought forth, the pain in my cheek and ear immediately became MUCH better. So much better. But then I got a little nervous. I've never seen anything like that happen before and even thought about calling J. to see if it'd ever happened to him. "Oh, you're worrying for nothing," thought I. After the few minutes of the clear stuff (which was nothing like mucus, mind you) coming out, it seemed the coast was clear. I sat on my bed cross-legged and--suddenly--plop! It was dripping from my nose and onto my pant leg. GROSS. A couple more tissues and everything was fine. As if it'd never happened.

I told the doctor about this episode because it seemed so strange to me. Okay, my cyberchondriac self knew the chances were slim, but couldn't there be a chance I was leaking cerebrospinal fluid? (I didn't voice this concern to the doctor, but I had voiced it to myself the night of the weirdness after a twenty minute internet search.) As I told her about the episode, she frowned and looked at me: "Well, since you edit medical documents, I'm guessing you might be a bit concerned about a cerebrospinal fluid leak?" "Yes!" (I didn't mention that I don't edit anything dealing with CSF leak ever and that it was a late-night Googling session that made me aware of the problem in the first place. Let her think I have professional interest.) She told me that she really doubted there was a CSF leak, but that if it happened again like that I should call her and make a trip to the ER. She said it was quite possible that the severity of my sinus problem could have meant that for days my mucus has been building up in my sinuses. I was staying well hydrated, and the water I was drinking wasn't able to mix well with the older, thicker, nastier mucus so the watery stuff was sort of building up behind the old, gross mucus. Once I cleared that old, super-green mucus out for the moment, the watery stuff was released in a gush. Maybe. (Yuck, right?) She then said, "And it's not as if you've had any head injury lately, right?" "Actually, I was in a car wreck in mid-November and had a minor head injury." Oh. Then let's keep an eye out just in case something else is up, kids!

The waterfall phenomenon has not happened again, but that doesn't mean I'm not keeping an eye (a nose?) out just in case.

And then tonight something strange happened. I have been feeling a bit better today--just a few coughs and much less need to blow my nose (though I certainly am obviously sick, both audibly and visibly). Had a migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine this morning (period-related) but Imitrex wiped it out immediately. I blew my nose before settling into bed when suddenly I realized I couldn't stop. Couldn't stop blowing my nose, that is. I spent five minutes blowing my nose, people--and everything was coming from the right nostril. It seemed each tissue must be my last, but within 2-3 seconds I could feel more coming immediately. Then the clear feeling for a second, then the need to blow my nose. (Here's when I go into even more detail, for those of you who are as gross as I and have continued reading this far!) The mucus was green but not as thick as it's been for the last few days. It was green and really thin and liquidy. And it kept coming. For 5-7 minutes. TWELVE tissues' worth.

Does anyone have any insight? I'm hoping this all can be easily explained. I have never had such a sinus problem last so long, so perhaps this is just par for the course when sinusitis has progressed as far as mine has.

Still--let me know your thoughts, even if you are as gross and crazy as I have sounded in this post!

Goodnight!

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why you shouldn't give up hope

One of the readers of my blog, T., started emailing me a year ago or so (has it been longer than that, T.?). I'm happy to report that after 19 months of daily headache/migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine, she has gone eight days pain-free. As far as I know, this is the longest period of headache-free days she's had in nearly two years, folks. I'm so very happy for her--what a wonderful, refreshing feeling that must be, to wake up and NOT feel sick after getting used to the pain as a way of life.

Way to go, T.! Here's to days, months, YEARS of good health!

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while we're on the subject...

I found this video on YouTube.com. The narrator, Michael Shermer, seems to approach the subject with a healthy skepticism--I like how he doesn't dismiss acupuncturists (and patients) as fools. He seems to take the most issue with practioners' claims that acupuncture can help alleviate certain conditions, conditions that have not been shown to improve at all due to acupuncture.

What he does allow is that there seems to be some relief for chronic pain patients--and this is why it seems appropriate to post the video here.

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something else I've noticed about the cold fingers & toes...

Today I returned from my walk. Though the sun had already set before I began my 50-minute stroll, the air temperature was pretty warm. Frat boys walked in shorts in long-sleeved shorts; some folks walking dogs had on jeans and T-shirts (but looked cold). I had on two pairs of exercise pants (cozy), a long-sleeved T-shirt, and two sweatshirt hoodies. Plus my cotton stretch gloves!

When I got back to my neighborhood, I slowly peeled off the gloves. (I was moving in slow motion, trying to make the walk last as long as the PRI Selected Shorts program lasted.) I noticed two things:

1. The air felt warm to my pointer fingers!
2. My pointer fingers on each hand were markedly, dramatically colder than were my other digits. I put my pointer fingers on my cheeks and felt the cold; I put my ring and pinkie fingers on each cheek and felt warm, warm, warm.

#2 has happened once in awhile, but only since mentioning the possibility of my having Raynaud's phenomenon did I really think too much about the discrepancy in temperature among fingers.

Now I know lots of you migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraineurs wrote back about having cold fingers and toes--anyone else feel some digits go cold while others stay warm?

P.S. Check out the information Ellen posted about Raynaud's on her wegohealth blog!

P.P.S. If I remember, I'm trying to include photos in each post. Often they're related; sometimes they're not. I noticed that on my wegohealth.com page there's always an image added to each post even if I haven't included one--and I don't usually like the photos they attach to my blog. SO I'm including my own pictures to beat the system! The end.

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I can't get motivated!

At 2:19 a.m., I turned in my most recent work assignment. While working on it this past weekend, I thought about all the errands I could run, all the little chores I could do--if only I didn't have an editing assignment looming overhead.

Well, now I'm free as a bird and have only done a couple of meaningful things today:
1) went for a long walk
2) took a shower

Oh, yeah--I almost forgot! I made lunch and dinner. Impressive.

So am I having a lazy day I'm entitled to, or am I a no-excuse sloth who could be doing Real Things but is instead writing a blog post using her iPod because the computer is too far (read: 5 feet) away?

Blah.

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stop faking it, people--you're giving us a bad name!

This makes me angry!

Figures it'd be something frustrating to get me back here on the blog after such a long absence. When I first read this headline ("Migraines now top excuse for calling in sick,") I was ready to fill out a comment on the Telegraph's page. I can hear myself starting to preach now: "You really should have used the word "reason," not "excuse." Migraine is a disease, not a..." You guys know the drill.

Imagine my surprise to find out that the word choice in the article title was right on!

If you are a migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine sufferer and are willing to be open with your boss(es), then more power to you: you increase awareness of the disease when you are honest about why you can't be at work. Yes, there are risks. Yes, that bitter woman in the back might snicker at you yet again and think you're a wimp who can't handle a headache. You know what? Screw her! Take care of yourself.

If you are NOT a migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine sufferer, then don't use our illness as a reason for you to take a vacation day. Admitting that you're faking it doesn't really help your case or ours: it just makes people less likely to believe all of us next time they hear the word "migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine."

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when you're partner's in pain, too

I wrote this during summer 2009 for ChronicBabe.com, but I never heard back from the very busy Jenni about whether or not she wanted to publish it on the site. So here it is in this form.

7/24/09

Overnight, tons of percussion instruments appeared all over my house. Congas in the living room, bongos in the bedroom, an African balliphone in the TV room, and a collection of maracas in the office. After three years together, my musician boyfriend moved in with me.

In truth, we've been pseudo-roommates since the summer we met. Downtime is at my house, dinner time is at my house, coffee time is at my house, and oh-my-god-I-hurt-so-much-I'm-going-to-throw-up time is at my house. That's right: I cope with migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine disease, chronic fatigue, and a host of other chronic problems, and my boyfriend has some chronic pain and migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine issues himself.

When I'm really low, J is a loving, caring nurse, albeit one who loses patience with his patient now and again. In some way or another, we've all been in his position: someone we love is hurting terribly and is unable to tell us how we can help simply because there is no solution, no cure. My college psychology professors would tell you that, when faced with a friend's problem, women will focus on listening while men will try to figure out what action they can take. There have been several instances wherein I've watched J's back as he left my darkened daytime bedroom--he shuts the door briskly in frustration as I've told him yet again that there's really nothing he can do.

We were pretty spoiled for awhile there: rare was the day when both of us were struck down. Then came last year. I'm not sure what happened to us, but last spring we turned into arthritic, achy 60-somethings overnight. Suddenly we were both sick and bedridden at the same time, and it. was. awful.

J and I are both fiercely independent (it took a couple months of exclusive dating and confessions of love before we actually admitted that we were boyfriend and girlfriend) and have trouble relying on others for help. Oh, another thing that's fun, especially when we're sick? Each of us is right all the time. Makes for some productive conversational volleys.

So let's return to the scene last year, when I was having some particularly rough migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine spells and his back was, after years of wear, was finally beginning to tear. We two were lying in bed, too worn out to take care of our own lives, let alone each other's. We bickered. I glared at him when he turned over in bed and woke me from my hazy, migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migrainey nap. He winced with a sharp intake of breath as I tried to hug him--no matter what, I always seem to forget how much his back hurts and squeeze him too hard.

It can be exhausting to be with someone burdened by health problems. Sometimes J's empathy is heightened and he really identifies with what I'm going through; other times, I think he sees too much of himself in me and, consequently, is a little too harsh and judgmental. (Same goes for me.)

Here are some things I try to tell myself when dealing with a stressed-out, ailing fellow:

1. Don't assume you know how he feels. Yes, you have similar diagnoses. No, you don't know how his pain affects him physically and emotionally.
2. Choose your time wisely. Have most of your health-related discussions while you guys are feeling good and healthy. Too often, we start Serious Health Talks when one of us is down for the count. I'm guilty of preaching to him about making more frequent doctor visits while he's completely tuckered out and feeling awful.
3. Remember that you have a choice in how you deal with what life gives you. As Jon Kabat-Zinn might say, it's important to respond to what you encounter and not necessarily react to it. The emotions you experience may not be under control, but increased self-awareness can allow you to choose between ignoring or indulging in those feelings.
4. When feeling healthy, teach each other what you'll need when you're sick. I know where J's medications are and will have them at the ready as soon as he asks; he sometimes knows where mine are, but there are lots of bottles and supplements and it can get confusing. Note to self: make a list he can consult so that next time you're in bed with migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine you're not calling out to the dude in the bathroom (as your head throbs with exertion), "No, not that bottle. The other one. The one on the right? NO, THE OTHER ONE!"
5. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt. Always remember that he loves you and wants the best for you, and make sure he knows the same is true for you. Try to be extra patient when he is in pain and vulnerable.

Our health problems have been addressed thoroughly, and each of us has seriously evaluated our futures: can we handle being with someone this sick? Can we hack it if our loved one's problems grow dramatically worse? Will we be okay if one of us is miraculously cured and no longer depends so much on the other? As for now, we're confident we can handle what the future brings--after all, we have a pretty good record so far.

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If you miss school, you can't go to the dance in the evening.

Growing up, I remember how excited we'd all get for those rare school dances. This started as early as third grade, I think--it wasn't 'til junior prom that I attended dances where people actually danced, but that's another story all together.

In the morning and afternoon announcements the days leading up to the Big Day, a teacher would consistently remind us that if we were absent the day of the dance, we would not be allowed on school property for the evening event. At the time, this rule bugged me a bit, but I couldn't put words to why it didn't seem fair. Always one for specifics, I could think of several different reasons why the school should make exceptions to this rule. (Truth be told, I did this any time there was a blanket, one-size-fits-all rule that was imposed on us.)

Today I feel crappy, plus Jim's doctor reinstated his bed rest prescription. (Jim had a tonsillectomy over a week ago and was on the mend but, after some un-scary bleeding, he had to go back to squishy foods and no exertion. This means I'm his nursemaid.) There's a lot going on in town today, too, things I don't want to miss. My migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine-plus-cold situation means no Indie Craftstravaganza for me, no neighborhood party, and no neighborhood association meeting at 4. Earlier I was feeling too blah to take my Maxalt, worried that maybe this was a "normal" headache associated with my cold and not a migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine (though time has shown that this is indeed a migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine; just have to convince myself to stand up and walk to the bathroom to fetch the meds). Then I thought, "Well, even if the Maxalt does work, I won't be allowed to go to the fundraiser party tonight. If I don't make it to the neighborhood association meeting in the afternoon, I can't go to the party in the evening."

You can see why I thought of my days in school, listening to the teacher as she told us in a scolding voice that missing the day of the dance meant no dance.

Of course I know that, when they work well, migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine-specific medications can wipe out the attack and render the migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraineur able to function somewhat normally within hours. That if Maxalt works as it does 65% of the time for me, I could rest at home for a bit and end up at the fundraiser party at 7 in top form.

But my neighbors don't know that. I can't help but think, "What will they say if I email to cancel my participation at the meeting and then show up at a party hours later? They'll think I'm a faker!"

Of course this is an issue that's faced by many chronically ill folks like me. What have your experiences been? I am wary of overexplaining the ins and outs of my illness to people (close friends and strangers alike), but I don't feel comfortable showing up for a social function after having skipped the more boring duties earlier in the day.

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what I write about

MigraineChick had an interesting post that included her very own Wordle, a visual representation of what words she uses. The most frequently used words are in bigger font.

I plugged in my url for this blog and Wordle instantly generated a page showing what words I use the most. The end result is visually pretty but, in many senses, really sad.

Both "Migraine" and "migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine" make an appearance, as do the words "stressing" and "argument." No need for lots of explanation here--just wanted to say it made me sad to look at it.

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longest, most resistent attack in quite awhile

Early Thursday evening, my brain started to fluctuate between pre-migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine mode and healthy mode. As I sat on the phone with my sister around eleven p.m., mild, steady pain and congestion set in and I decided to go to bed in the hopes that sleep would restore me to normalcy. I woke up around 6:30 the next morning and took a Maxalt. Two hours later, I was on the way to the my babysitting charges' house and took another, as the first did nothing to help. The pain dissipated soon after, and I had a VERY sleepy morning with E., the three-year-old I was watching all day while her brothers and parents went to Six Flags. I felt bad for being so out of it, but that's what Maxalt does--especially when I have to take two. E. and I watched Sesame Street and I lay down, trying to relax a bit.

In the afternoon, we went to my house to meet up with Jim. Later we headed to a local park where there's a swimming beach and small lake. The sand was so bright, the reflection of the sun off the water was blinding my eyes even though I had a hat pulled low over my head. I knew the Migraine was on its way back. It set in in earnest that evening and I fell asleep after E. went to bed, waiting for her family to get home so I could get to my own bed.

My Maxalt allowance is three per 24 hours, though I very rarely take more than one (let alone two) in a day. I took one before bed because the pain was distracting me from sleep.

Around 4 AM, I woke up with a groggy head but no pain!
At 9, I woke up for real and felt like crap.

The pain had come back. Three Maxalts, one Naproxen, one Lortab, and lots of sleep didn't cure this menstrual migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine. It hasn't been this bad in such a long time! I made a pot of coffee and took a nasal decongestent this morning and feel much better, but not up to par. I had to cancel an important bookstore meeting at noon and said no to hanging out with a friend. Tonight is my friends' wedding reception (they got married last week) and I really hope I'm well enough to go.

The end.

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shaky but alive

It's 4 PM and the headache is finally gone. I feel half-woozy, shaky, and a little out of it--but that's so much better than being in pain!

That's my update for you. Now I'm off to run necessary errands in the 98 degree heat. Wish me luck!

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the big chop

I've mentioned before how sensitive I am when it comes to my scalp. My hair has been growing longer and longer, perhaps longer than it's ever been before. On its best days, it looks tousled and pretty. On its worst (read: average) days, it's slightly frizzy and unkempt. Invariably, wearing it down means I soon try to pull it back away from my face in a casual, loopy bun. The weight of the bun has increased over time, making it so I have to obsessively redo the bun every few minutes to see if I can minimize the pulling on my scalp.

When I wear my hair up--even with lots of support from pins and so-called "scrunchies," it starts to yank on my head and I soon must take it down. In May, I was a bridesmaid who had to wear her hair up. There was enough the drama/trauma brought into my life that day just from the bun-making process alone--suffice to to say I can't create an up-do to save my life. But as the hours ticked on, the bun felt tighter and pulled more and more on my scalp, especially at the crown. The moment I was done with all the photographic obligations, you can bet I yanked all those bobbypins and ponytail holders out and popped a Maxalt. Ow.

It's August in Georgia. Do any of you know what that means? August. In Georgia. 100 degree heat, very high humidity. I'm not wearing my hair down to save my life, but wearing it up means a Migraine attack.

So what did I go and do today? I chopped it.

Even if I end up not liking how the cut looks, at least I know I love the weightlessness of it!

The end.

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get in shape, girl...

My procrastination has gotten OUT OF CONTROL. I acquired this handy little iPod Touch recently, and I thought I'd mainly use it for music (duh) and for keeping myself on schedule--it has all my Mac's contacts and iCal appointments stored on it. Clever, eh?

Let me tell you what's not so clever: THE FIFTY THOUSAND FREE APPLICATIONS YOU CAN DOWNLOAD TO IT. I must have wasted a good hour of my life over the last couple of days playing with silly Tetris-like games, Tetris itself, and a silly (yet endlessly entertaining) bouncy ball game.

The insanity must end.

Love,
The laziest person in America

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a new (to me) resource: an oldie but goodie

As you may know, plans are in the works for me to open up my own indie bookstore some time next year. This is a frightening prospect but--for the most part--gives me a sense of excitement and purpose unlike anything I've felt in the last few years, at least as far as work goes. Yeehaw!

Part of my self-assigned duties involves my going to established independent bookstores and taking a look around; if a manager or owner is on duty, I introduce myself and have a little chat. It's been fun as the information people are willing to provide me is, in short, priceless.

While in Pittsburgh in July, my dad led me to a cozy, well-staffed radical bookstore in Bloomfield where I browsed the aisles in the hopes of finding something inexpensive and interesting to buy. (Even the smallest purchase helps the independent bookstores of the world, so consider shopping at these places if you want to keep .... okay. I'll get down from the soapbox. You can guess how I feel about this.) I purchased Illness as Metaphor by Susan Sontag, a piece I read--at least in part--in college. I also discovered a little book called Headache Survival while browsing the health section; it was only a few bucks and I made the investment.

Let me just tell you how much I already love this book. The author, Ivker, has been at the helm for a few books of this type (another one in his collection is Arthritis Survival; still another talks about sinusitis), which initially made me skeptical. I started reading the book a few weeks after buying it and am consistently surprised at how UN-annoyed I am with his tone. Many books that proclaim themselves to be potential cures for Migraine & other headache take this obnoxious tone, a sort of holier-than-thou feel that patronizes the reader and often makes him/her feel as if he/she would be just plain stupid to ignore the author's advice. This book does not fit in that category. Ivker is personable, friendly, and seems to genuinely want to help. He assures us that there is probably a way out there to make headaches better, but that no one method works for everyone and that it's extraordinarily difficult to figure out what pattern of treatment works for you. Unlike some who believe in so-called "alternative medicine," Ivker does not eschew the possibility that pharmaceutical treatments can help Migraine. In fact, he wants you to keep your traditional doctor informed all the way and include your prescription drugs as part of the treatment plan if they help you.

I haven't finished the book yet--I may never complete it, as in order to do what he recommends I'll need to use it as resource for many years to come. But I am enjoying reading it. For the first time in years, I feel a sense of optimism as I'm reading about recommended diets, treatments, exercises, etc. that have been known to help other migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraineurs. Of course I carry along that die-hard Geddis skepticism, but that is tempered with a not so small part of me that thinks there's weight to what is being said, that I could be on the brink of major improvement.

I'll keep you posted.

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my near-death experience

Today I had one of those Migraine attacks during which I felt so awful and so sick that I gave up all my hopes and dreams and figured there's no chance in hell I'll ever accomplish even one-tenth of what I want to do. I lay in bed, afraid to move for fear of waking the nausea beast. My duties weighed heavily on my mind: call the leasing agent to talk about the bookstore; talk to the staff at the shelter about tutoring adults; clean the house; make sure everyone knows tonight's girls' night is canceled; send off those letters I keep forgetting about; make sure I have all my meds and clothes packed for this weekend's trip; oh my god I have nothing to wear to the high school reunion Saturday; oh my god why do I care?

As you can guess, it was hard for me to fall asleep and rest.

While babysitting this morning, my head acquired that good ol' stuffy feeling it's been getting most days for the last several months. Driving in the car, E., the three-year-old, was singing to herself in the backseat and her higher-pitched words pierced my ears. "Oh no," I thought, "is this the beginning?" An hour later, I was leaving the kids' house and my vision felt blurry. I tried to ignore the signs, for oftentimes they end up melting away into nothing and I feel fine and migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraine-free.

That was not the case today.

I decided I needed a power nap. I woke up feeling less sleepy but more achey. I called the mom of the kids I babysit as I made soup, leaving a message in which I asked if I could call off for the afternoon. I had a Migraine and it didn't seem to be going away. If she needed me to come, I could, but I'd probably want to lie on the couch while the kids played.

I sat down with my bowl of hot soup and dipped my spoon in. The first time I brought it to my mouth, a wave of nausea overtook me and I thought I'd be sick. I stood up to ready myself for that disgusting trip to the bathroom but was too dizzy to stand. In the space of ten minutes, my Migraine had gone from tolerable to utterly debilitating. I cancelled the babysitting date for good and lay down for hours. HOURS. Two Imitrex pills, one Naproxen, and several mini-naps later, I emerged feeling woozy but pain-free.

Now I don't feel so despondent and hopeless, but today's episode did give me pause. Most Migraine attacks are ones that I can medicate quickly and all but cure. This one and the one I had two weeks ago were especially resistant to treatment, and I wondered what I'll do when one of these stubborn ones come on while I'm a bookstore owner. Who will take over last-minute? Can I put a "Back in 5...hours" sign on the door? These are issues I definitely have to work out, but I cannot--CANNOT--let them stop me from opening my business. Right?

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my take on pinhole glasses

The folks at Pinhole Glasses Direct were kind enough to send me a complimentary pair of pinhole eyeglasses so I could review them on my blog. I got the pair three or four weeks ago and have been wearing them in different settings to see how I feel.

I'd had hopes of writing a glowing review for the pinhole glasses, but I didn't love them. First off, the frames are too small--I was not sure if the pair I was sent was the default size or if I'd accidentally been shipped a kid's pair. In any case, big-headed Janet was displeased with the look and feel of the glasses. We migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraineurs know that anything gripping on your head can be reason enough to take it off.

Yet I persevered. I first tried watching TV with the glasses. I had read that pinhole glasses take a little getting used to, so I held out and kept watching the screen. Within minutes I started getting that dull ache in the upper left corner of my left eye; this discomfort is often the precursor to a Migraine attack, so I took 'em off.

My beau wanted to see what all the fuss was about (I'd told him about expecting the package with the glasses and wanting to see if they helped my vision, so he knew the premise and what the glasses are supposed to do). J. wore the frames for a minute but took them off almost immediately, complaining of the discomfort they caused him. Just now, a few weeks after initially trying them on, I had J. put them on his face again and tell me how they felt. And I quote: "They hurt me in between my eyes--like when you force yourself to go cross-eyed and it hurts right there [points between his eyes right above the bridge of his nose]? That's how it feels when I look through them. It makes me feel the same feeling you get when you're getting a Migraine." I laughed a moment ago when he said this to me. "Why are you laughing?" he asked. "Because that's pretty much exactly what I just wrote about them!"

I put the pinhole glasses on again while driving to work one morning. My vision felt too obscured to safely drive; I couldn't focus on my periphery or even what was in front of me and took them off after less than a block. Maybe driving with the glasses takes getting used to (just as watching TV with them does), but it seems entirely unsafe to practice wearing vision-blocking glasses as you drive a motor vehicle. If you're going to practice wearing them in a car, make sure you're a passenger.

When I got to the house where I babysit, I showed the kids my new glasses and asked them if they'd be interested in trying them on and telling me what they thought. The three-year-old danced around in them for a second and then handed them back. The five- and seven-year-olds told me--without my leading the witnesses--that they felt like they couldn't see with them on.

The frames are cheap, clear plastic reminiscent of a 1989 pair of shades. The pinhole shades are plastic pieces that pop out pretty easily--be sure to carry your glasses in a case!

Man, I feel like I'm being so rough in this review! I told the contact person from the company that I only wanted the glasses if my review was welcome despite its contents. She assured me that both good and bad reviews were welcome, so...here I am, with a not-so-spectacular review.

One thing the glasses are supposed to do is help you focus on things far away. At this they perform pretty well. I just experimented yet again with them as I looked out the window. My head and eyes started to feel funny after just a minute so I took them off again, but they worked while they were on! I looked at leaves on trees pretty far from my window with and without the glasses on. If I could peer through just one pinhole at the tree, I could see details down to the individual leaves. This is not possible for me without glasses, so in that way they helped. If you're having trouble with seeing far away, it might not be a bad idea to keep a pair of these around for stationary viewing of an object. When you have to move or when the object you're looking at is moving, be prepared for eye and head discomfort.

Overall, I would not recommend the pinhole glasses to my fellow migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraineurs and/or those whose eyes and/or scalps are particularly sensitive.

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Thursdays are the new Migraine Days

For the past few weeks, I've been feeling okay (not great) most days but terrible on Thursdays. I don't usually work on Fridays, so maybe the famous weekend headache is kicking up on Thursday since that's when relaxation time is *supposed* to begin.

In the last hour, I found out that the editing company I now work for wants me to do an editing project in less than 24 hours. I'm working on a project already, have to work this evening at the storytelling job, and have to babysit tomorrow during the day.

I sucked it up and told them no.

A revised due date of Friday was proposed, and I said yes if I could have it done by 3. I know that tomorrow (Thursday) evening is shot since I'm having a book club meeting over here, and I'm not sure how I'll be feeling before or after that meeting. (Who knows if I'll be okay during it? I've been cancelling Thursday activities for the last few weeks...)

My personal frustrations with this situation aren't what I want to focus on here. I guess what I want to highlight is the fact that a frequent migrainesymptoms.blogspot.com/" title="migraine">migraineur must pull into account SO many factors when making a decision, especially a decision that will affect others' lives or work. I am a dependable person most of the time, but this disease has crippled me in that I often live in fear of disappointing someone by missing a deadline or a meeting.

Oh, blah.

Time to start working while I can!

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Thursday is TODAY

Well, as I suspected, the pattern continues. I felt really great this afternoon and, the moment I realized how great I felt, tried to push the thought of an impending Migraine attack. (As I've mentioned before, I often feel wonderful right before my head pain sets in.) J. and I went grocery shopping and it was at the store I started feeling light-headed and icky. An hour later, I was home but not any worse for the wear. I managed to tidy up very slightly for this evening's book club meeting at my house and even baked some brownies and made guacamole!

Around 9:15 or so, the blurry vision took ahold and the left side of my head started feeling...well...not right. I don't tend to consciously feel my head when I'm well; it's only when I'm coming down with a Migraine attack (or head cold, for that matter) that my body remembers my head is even there.

It's 10:30 and I am going to lie down in bed after taking an Imitrex and my nightly regime of pills.

Somehow I'm comforted by the fact that the Thursday Migraines are getting predictable. This logic seems screwy--I don't want to EXPECT them, but I do want to be prepared. Oddly enough, Thursday has been my favorite day of the week since I was little. I intend to keep it that way--Migraine, you will not get me down!!!

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